The virtual world has no distance, and being interested in politics makes me a pixellated moth to the interweb flame of predictable drudgery.
Cue the horror!
- Claims, counter-claims and general lies as all 3 major parties publish dubious statistics on their promotional literature
- All 3 parties hugging the centre, getting shot down both by hardcore followers and the general public who are bored to death
- A constant barrage of media coverage and up-to-the-minute updates of NOTHING HAPPENING
- Very rare examples of passion and incidents of genuine newsworthiness, 2-3 max
- An outcome so predictable, even that lunatic clown Nostradamus could have predicted it
- Labour's 3 terms and 13 years in office
(Mud sticks, parties don't win elections governments lose them, people "want a change" even if they don't know which "change" they want)
- Financial meltdown and recession
(People blame Labour for hardships inflicted by global economy, or support Labour for good handling by throwing money at banks)
- MPs' expenses scandal
(MPs of all parties face the chop, despite most fraudulent claims being miniscule compared to fraud and bonuses considered normal in the private sector)
- Labour is worn out, dried-up, empty of ideas, and has lost or demoted all its charasmatic politicians
- The Conservatives are right-wing enough to despise yet vacant and bland enough to be useless and have even fewer charasmatic candidates than Labour (ie zero)
- The Lib Dems have some good policies (the luxury of a third party that won't win) and will make small gains, but success will be limited by Tory votes from people determined to end the Islamic communist rule of ZaNu-Liarbore (ie Labour)
- The British economy's gutted state limits all parties' policies to things like "we won't cut public services too much, yay!"
- Feverish sneering of old-school Tories and Thatcherites gloating over their "rightful" return to governance
- US presidential-style debates, as if the UK doesn't import enough from America, with 2/3 party leaders who are fundamentally unlikeable (Mr. Oily and Sergant McDull as opposed to Dr. Who?)
Through the cringeworthy onslaught of vacant media coverage for the next 4 weeks, consider me your cynical correspondent on the UK election.