Monday, 7 March 2011

The gaping hole in the internet that is NO NEVER, my 4th book

Well now. Last year I made lofty promises about publishing the chapters of NO NEVER, the final part of my sci-fi/fantasy/comedy/apocalypse trilogy, on the interwebs for free. And hey, I managed to upload the preceeding NO UP and NO LIES more or less to schedule, so this didn't seem a tall order.

It was about this time that I Believe In Dinosaurs happened, and everything else became less important.

More crucially, my in-house editrixTheresa J.M.Q.Z.** Winters - who is, after 2 years in New Zealand and 1 in that scorched poisonous sports-obsessed shanty town known as Australia***, now settled back in her native**** United States***** - pointed out that NO UP had not been edited by her. I think I actually self-published it on Lulu around the same time I met her, so indeed even now it retains my own DIY effort at editing - and let's face it, editing your own work is like judging your own sexual performance ("I rate it 19 out of 10!!! No need for improvement!!!!!").

So Miss Winters has been going through NO UP with a toothcomb, which - after I've reviewed them, and maybe argued for old time's sake about whether "alright" is a word, or if "no-one" has a hyphen in it - will sharpen up its quality in the same way as NO LIES and NO NEVER.

WOT DUZ THUS ALL MEANS JIZ KIMP??, I hear you asking. Well, this year I hope to finalise publication of the trilogy in all senses, in the following order:

  • NO UP to be published, chapter by chapter, directly on this here blog
    I know for many of you Facebook fans & friends and RSS subscribers who are already aware of it, this will seem tedious. On the other hand, I doubt loads of you have read it - so publishing direct through the blog allows faster, easier access to what I think is a hilarious, gripping, shocking and mind-blowing work of fiction.******
  • ...followed by NO LIES and NO NEVER - all 33 chapters in total (+ 2 interlogues)
    Look on the bright side, it's a small trilogy :) It's like a bite-size Lord Of The Rings, with highly descriptive sex, beer and monsters!
  • eBooks of the trilogy released for FREE
    When I started writing NO UP, eBooks were in their infancy, there was no way to publish them, and the Kindle hadn't been born. Now it's as simple as, so I won't be arsing around with Word documents any more - you'll be able to get the books for free, nothing, nada, on your iPad/Kindle/Portable Reading Kitten/whatever device you choose.
  • Hard-cover book of the entire trilogy published
    You may have seen pictures of the paperbacks which look great. I haven't made up a hardback from Lulu yet, but assuming it's as good as the paperback, it's going to look MINT. I have the cover design done already. For those of you who like to hold something solid in your hands (ooo behave!), it's going to be amazing.
  • Reading/launch night for hardback & eBooks
    I didn't do readings for the launch parties of NO LIES or NO NEVER, but I'm so familiar with the trilogy now and it's old enough that I'm happy to do some readings from my favourite chapters. This will include the apocalypse party scene from NO LIES which, in all its sordid violence, I'm very proud of.

There. Now you know my plans this year regarding the NO UP trilogy. Just please, with Lighthouses occupying my every waking hour at the moment, please don't ask about HYPER.

*The 2nd Urban Dictionary definition is simply just plain untrue about Theresa, but I couldn't help linking it because of its amusing coarse English slang. It's so blunt it's hilarious!
** I totally just made these initials up. I await Theresa's own version of what they could stand for.
***Jokes! Lighten up Ozzies!
**** I use the word casually, but have recently been shown this blog here, which provides illuminating and yet somehow utterly straightforward perspectives on being Native American in the United States.
***** Despite the distance, I do hope she has time to still be my Editrix - certainly one of the points made through the NO UP trilogy is that distance in a wired knowledge economy means very little at all.
******I do genuinely believe this, but you may wish to see the "judging own sexual performance" regarding blowing one's own trumpet.


  1. Love that you gave me so many *****!

    T. J.M.Q.Z. W.
    (who still has 6 months left in the land of poisonous snakes/spiders/sports nuts)

  2. Haha I THOUGHT it was quite soon! I had it in my mind that you were back for good already, rather than a holiday. Hope you're having fun over there :)