Tuesday, 10 January 2012

Flashes: The Guvnor

‘I’m here to see the Governor.’

‘Oozat then?’


‘Oo – iz – zat?’

‘The Governor.’ Mark wasn’t sure what he was doing wrong. He tried again. ‘The Governor?’

The Chavzart guard – no older than a teenager – looked up at him, a blank look on his spotty little face.

‘The Governor!’ snapped Mark. ‘You know exactly who I mean! Your leader!’

‘No idea oo yor talkin’ abaaaat.’

‘Look you little nob-end,’ said Mark, ‘I haven’t got time for this-’

‘No need to be rude, you facking arse’ole!’

‘Just tell me how I can speak to the Governor!’

‘I keep telling yoo, I ain’t ‘eard of dis “goff-earn-orr” persun! Be a bit more descriptive, innit, or fack orf.’

Ahh, thought Mark, grinding his teeth a little. So that’s how it goes.

‘I’s got to see da Guvnor, innit bruv!’ he exclaimed.

‘Oh da Guvnor!’ The Chavzart beamed in understanding, having led Mark into enlightenment. ‘Why din’t you say so you facking monkey. Wot are yoo, a forrinna? Yoo look a bit forrin. Talking all gobble-de-gook an’ gobshite weren’t yoo! Come in bruv, wipe yor feet aaaaaiiight.’

Mark grinned to himself. Innit.

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