Sunday, 30 March 2014

12 Bigoted Comments On UK Gay Marriage That Are Too Hilarious Not To Share

So the first same-sex weddings just happened in the UK, and the BBC did a news thingy on it - with the comments left on!

Obviously, rule #71.3b of the internet is Don't Read The Comments. But luckily for you and me, the lowest-rated comments are hilarious. Because the bigots who wrote them are clearly so powerless, so clueless and so irrelevant, their hate is frankly laughable.

Did I mention "bad at spelling" too? Because we start with...

1. Slipper Slop



Thanks Kelly for reminding us we only punish paedophiles because God says so. Not because it's wrong or anything like that!


2. Arranged Marriages


Indians practice arranged marriages, and if we know one thing about Indians, it's that they love gays.
And just imagine being forced to marry someone of the wrong sex! No-one ever had to face that until now.


3. Cricket On The Greens


What's next? Humans marrying animals? Adults marrying children? Playing cricket on the golf green???
The Gay Mafia's inappropriate conquest of sports locations is AN ABOMINATION.


4. The Days Of Noah and Sodom & Gomorrah


Was that like #100daysofhappiness, only back in biblical times?
I'm glad to know God is responsible for our "natural order", including parasites, cancer and rapey dolphins. What a guy.


5. During My Breakfast


Hey Norman! Sad to hear that seeing men kissing men makes you feel physically sick. Shall we stop all the gays of Britain kissing in public just in case you're walking down the street? Or maybe, you could stop being such a twat? Yeah maybe that.


6. I Live In Russia Now


Because as we all learned from Sochi, Russians are super big on TOLERANCE.


7. If Gays Always Win


Jim's right. What if the gays always win? Winning at pinball, winning at cricket on the golf course, and now winning at sex. All the straight people should pack up and just stop having babies, there's no hope of winning now.


8. Just Does Not Seem Right


Cheers Allan, glad to know your generation did things on the basis that they just seemed right, like the Crusades and burning Catholics.


9. Marriage Has Been Broken Forever


If anyone tries marriage now, all they get is a 404 message saying "Pre-biblical ritual not found".


10. Same Poles Always Repel


I'm amazed all these gay people want to marry incompatible people that they absolutely cannot stand to be around.


11. Oxford English Dictionary


Thanks to Denaris for pointing out that gay people clearly can't read the dictionary, which has been dictating our existence for the last 6,000 years after being invented by God (Day 5, between llamas and asbestos).

And sorry, I can't lie, "want want want" made me piss myself laughing. Piss. Everywhere. Still. Laughing.


12. Children Have No Say In The Matter


It's so important that we stop children being brought up by loving, committed parents who happen to be gay, and restrict it purely and simply to Absolutely Anyone Else.

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As a final bonus, here's the top-rated lowest-rated (uh, whatever) comment on the whole comments section. I'm not sure it deserves to be in the top (worst?) spot, over all these other nasty comments - it just seems like a selfish man taking pride in his family's obnoxious homophobia. Oh yeah, maybe that's why!

13. More Inheritance For Me


Huzzah! You keep all that money from the silly lesbian, Trent. She's only your dirty, sinful sister after all.



7 comments:

  1. I know people go on about the parallels ad inifinitum, but had the internet been around in the days of Jim Crow and the Civil Rights movement, I'm sure just the same sort of thing would have been written for all to see.

    It's just too bad that these commenters aren't putting their real names out there, so that an advocacy group could help to educate them that the people they're writing about are human beings.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cheers T. I actually wasn't kidding about finding them funny - it's reassuring to me that the consensus in Britain on many issues is settled and in the right place. These people aren't thugs on the streets like in Eastern Europe, or the pious & conservative of the US - they're mostly just old buffers and people from a different generation.

      Delete
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